My To-Do List

In my last post, I made the point that there are many, MANY things I do not know. This week, I'd like to take the opportunity to talk about one of the truths I have discovered in the course of my life but yet still struggle with on a daily basis. Balance. 

In a recent bible study class at my church, we were discussing priorities and getting burned out.  And one of the women said, "People are more important than my to-do list." So simple. So true. Of course, I believe this I thought to myself as I nodded in agreement. But then I paused, realizing that my actions rarely embody this mantra.  I am so driven by my to-do list that I often ignore people I care about, hurt those I love, or explode in frustration and anger. Why?  

I am a perfectionist; that is certain. I hate feeling inadequate. I despise weakness in myself of any form. If you can do it, then so can I. And if I even think I might not be able to do it, then I won't even try.  I strive to be a GREAT mom - not just a good mom. I'm an over-thinker, a worry-wort, a control freak.  I'm a Pinterest mom who'd like to home-school (if my husband would jump on board). I started a moms' group and a book club. I'm a Sunday School teacher and a Head Classroom Mom.  I'm started my own business and was the English department chair at school. If there is a something to be done, I do it. Just add it to my to-do list.

I am an over-achiever. And what has it really ever gotten me?  Headaches, exhaustion, frustration, work and more work. Why do I take on so much? Why do I feel the need to create, jump in, lead, go overboard? Is it a deep seeded need to do well, to feel accepted by my peers and society? Is it a feeling of inadequacy or a fear of failure? Are these expectations I feel so pushed to exceed the result of society's influence or my own personal issues?  

These questions are not easily answered.  It's a combination of all that I am and have experienced in my 35 years that make me the person I see in the mirror.  So wherever these desires, these fears, originate from…the real question is how to deal with them? I don't think I will ever be able to completely curb my take-on too much personality, but I can try to find a balance.  Because yes, people ARE more important than my to-do list.  As Neale Donal Walsch once wrote, "We are human beings, not human doings." And so I must give myself a chance to just be.  To stop doing so much and take some time to enjoy the people around me. To form stronger bonds and be a better friend. To mother through the gift of precious time instead of pointless crafts. To raise my voice a little less and my spirit a little more. 

But wait, does this sound too much like a to-do list?